Life With TiVo

After it was released, months and months went by and I scoffed at the idea of buying TiVo. The ability to pause TV for $13 a month? What kind of sick waste of money is that? I could pause my TV pretty easily just by turning it off.

But as many things go, I was forced into a relationship with digital television. My ex-roommate, Kevin, received ReplayTV as a gift from his ex-fiance when we lived in our ex-apartment. Long after the fiance, apartment, and roommate have moved on, Kevin and ReplayTV are still living happily together. He loved it, not only through pausing live TV but as a way to record his favorite shows, fast forward through commercials, and instantly replay any funny TV moments involving monkeys. I couldn't exactly move out, and thus the seed was planted. It slowly began to gnaw away at me.

Several months later, TiVo (which in my opinion is better than ReplayTV, but Kevin and I can argue about this for days, as only guys can) ran a major rebate of $100 off any new receiver. Then I saw an "Open Box" offer at Best Buy--discounted an additional $50--and all of the loving memories of my ReplayTV experiences came rushing back to me. I crumbled. I melted right there in front of an Asian couple in Best Buy. And five minutes later I carried out my very own TiVo box.

So there is where you'd normally expect me to say, "TiVo was great! I've loved it ever since!" But alas, I do not. Because it's not TiVo that's so great now--it's my life that's fantastic. I come home every day looking like Chunk did right after finding the freezer full of Rocky Road in The Goonies. Pure, giggles-inducing happiness. Why? Well, for exactly these reasons:

• I never watch commericals anymore. How much of life is wasted by watching Larry the Local Car Dealer yell at us about the latest specials? Unless you're watching something at 2:00 a.m., in which case you have to really suffer through ads telling you how many 18 year old girls would love to talk to you for $5.95/min. Then you have to start thinking about the type of people that actually call these numbers, and it's just depressing. Anyway, if you're wondering how I avoid commercials, it's simple--wait until twenty minutes into an hour-long show to start watching it, fast-forward through the commercials as you go, and you'll end right as the same time everyone else does. And you've just gained back twenty minutes of your life.
  
• I never worry about setting my favorite shows to tape. I don't watch that many shows, but like anyone, I hate to miss the ones I do watch. I used to be out somewhere thinking, "I have to get home in time to catch The West Wing!" Not anymore, though--it's going to tape whether I get home or not. Every time.
• De-stress the importance of TV in the first place. This one is surprising, but how many times has someone called on the phone during a show, and you've asked them to call back? Or what if your significant other asks you a question right as MacGyver is about to finish his latest concoction and explode his way out of a temporary prison? With TiVo, none of this matters--just pause, take the call or have the conversation, and then jump back in. No stress.
• Automatically record all movies and shows with Jennifer Garner. She just has such eloquent dialogue delivery.
• Set any show to record from any internet-enabled computer. Ever gone to work and realized you forgot to set your VCR to tape the 2004 National Scrabble Championship? Instead of immediate anguish, all you need is the internet, and the problem is solved.

All in all, I don't think TiVo is the reason for my increasing happiness in life. Such an idea is absurd, isn't it? All I know is that my life is happier, and that sometimes I see a faint yellow glow cascading down from my TiVo receiver. I assume these have nothing to do with each other, but sometimes, as the night creeps onward, I wonder. I wonder quite a bit.