The Wedding Update

Since it will be the sole purpose of my life over the next few weeks, it is time for the second wedding update! All of you have received invitations by now, so of course it’s finally sunken in that this is no joke—these kids really are getting married. No, Kelly didn’t lose a bet. No, I’m not actually a Mexican illegal alien looking for citizenship by marrying a hot American woman. This thing is for real, and it is only six weeks away. And of course, when the time comes for love, peace, and harmony, it is only natural that absolute madness ensues. The two months before a wedding have an inescapable ability to challenge you in ways you’ve never been challenged before. But it’s all for the best cause imaginable.

For those wanting an update on progress, I’m fortunate to report that a lot has been made! (Forgive me, Mrs. Williams—my twelfth grade English teacher—for using passive voice) Over the past several weeks we have chosen and mailed invitations, selected/reserved tuxedos for the gentlemen of the wedding, finalized dinner and reception plans, had three separate pre-marriage counseling sessions with our pastor (I am very relieved to say that he let me pass with a last minute extra credit assignment), made arrangements with the florist, selected (and deliciously tried) our wedding cake, chose music for the ceremony, and doled out information more often than the Paris Hilton Fashion Advice hotline. And, of course, much more is to come. As we start to receive confirmation back from many of you via RSVP, we become more and more excited about the wedding…thank you for all of your support!

Amusingly enough, I have chosen this same time period to become more involved than ever in volunteer work and hobbies. I think deep down I must have a death wish, but I suppose if that were true I would just drop everything and kidnap the family of Jack Bauer (a la 24). Anyway, the iMac has launched several of these hobbies, including expanding my Photoshop and web design work, as well as continuing work on my second large-scale volunteer project at work. As a side note here, I will be traveling to New Mexico in two weeks (February 10) to find out where we place in the company-wide Discovery Award, an award which rewards volunteer project teams for outstanding achievement. Lori, Jan, and I will be attending, but will quickly send word to our outstanding teammates back home when we find out. Wish us luck!

Other recent “projects” include playing competitive Scrabble (yes, that's right), UG basketball (we have two games left, and still haven’t won), poking the cat to see how many times she’ll let me, watching a strangely larger amount of TV shows (Alias, Lost, 24, The Amazing Race, The Daily Show, American Idol, The West Wing), and using parenthetical expressions while writing posts (my favorite). Mostly I’m just trying to keep my head above water without going crazy. Mwa-ha-ha.

Well, before I go, I have a small special bonus for this post: pictures of Sydney! Because she’s a cat, she has an innate ability to sleep that comes built-in and often-exercised. Of course, that’s when she also looks the most adorable, so here are three recently-taken photos of her in those moments:

                    

Take care, everyone, and thanks for reading!

Distance

Does anyone ever think life is as fun after college as it is in college? If you went to Georgia Tech, then the answer is probably yes, but for everyone else it's more of a unilateral no. Obviously the reasons for this are extensive, but I believe that they are not as clear as they seem. Is it the responsibilities of the "real" world and an everyday job? Is it marriage, or kids? Is it the friends you had in college? Or a complete lack of acceptable reasons to perform a keg stand?

After four and a half years of experience in the matter, I have come to one conclusion (granted it is completely my conclusion): that all of these things contribute, but it really boils down to one major factor. The proximity of friends you have in college. As you navigate your way through four years of school, then use a fifth year as a victory lap just for good measure, you live nearly side-by-side with the people you come to know best. And most importantly, you have a perfectly legimate reason to talk to them. It's basically like being crammed into a Manhattan apartment building, except your neighbors don't curse at you for 90% of your actions.

But I would argue that many of these friendships (at least, the best ones) don't just exist in college...you take them with you. You still treasure the same people you did then, just as you always will. By far the biggest difference, however, is that the route of communication changes as follows:

Scenario A: You have a bad day in class, failing a test and suffering the worst of all possibilities--Christine Wilson actually turned you down for a date at the end of chemistry lab. Just when you think you've come to know love--as it can only be viewed through the hazy blue flame of a Bunson burner--she actually turns you down. She hasn't dated anyone in three years of college, but apparently she'd rather hold on to "the streak" than suffer through one date. A free date, for God's sake. Anyway, the dejection really hits home as you walk through your dorm room door, so you halt there for a moment. You then wonder if your buddy Sean is in the room next door, so you walk the obligatory 7.4 feet and give it a knock. Turns out he's there, and he instantly knows something is wrong. Fifteen minutes later, you're both watching Swingers, lamenting the fate of poor Mikey and discussing all the reasons why Christine Wilson is certifiably crazy. You instantly feel better, and you thank God for Sean. All is well.

Scenario B: You have a terrible day at work, suffering four printer jams as well as the awful understanding that Lisa, the sorta-cute-for-an-older-lady secretary on the 11th floor, isn't going to go out with you because she has eight children. She has calmly explained to you that she could probably make a run at it with only five or six children, but those last two are God-awful menaces to this Earth. But they make beautiful refrigerator drawings, see? Ten minutes and approximately four-hundred wobbly crayon lines later, you realize she means it...it's never going to happen. So the dejection really hits home as you walk through the door to your house, and you halt there for a moment. Sean would know what to do in this situation. Good ol' Sean, from your college days. So you pick up your cell phone and call him (the cell phone's a little more awkward, but those 7:00 p.m. evening minutes are nice), only there's no answer. He's probably out with his wife, partaking of the Darlington County life that she'd always hoped for. Jumping in the car and driving 80 miles to track them down would make you just about the biggest pansy in the world, so you use the only option you have left: e-mail.

And then you realize that anything that guys say to each other in person sounds like complete bullsh*t when put down in writing. I mean, we're talking seriously stupid. And you can't even watch Mikey make his desperate phone calls via e-mail. You can't slap someone on the ass via e-mail. And you surely can't make Sean's wife understand why you'd write such things to her husband. So the e-mail idea dies, and you resign to venting to the dog for an hour. Eight children...unbelievable.

A lengthy example, but for the four of you that are still with me, the point is that something truly becomes missing when you take away the proximity of friends. In a world heavily reliant on e-mail and telephone (much more so with e-mail, in many cases), friendships often become just as distorted as they would have after being passed through a line of fourteen schoolchildren in a game of "Gossip".

So for me, this post is dedicated to my outstanding group of friends that I do not live very close to anymore: Josh, Carmen, Amy, Beth, Michele, Emily, Ryan and Stacy, Carrie, Mike, Dave, Nicole, Lauren, Troy, Tim and Salli, and of course Kate. We, along with the all of the others that may be reading this post, have settled into our "adulthood" lives now, but I think we're all tasked with the challenge of breaking through those boundaries as best we can. We have to remember that we're all more important than mileage on the car, finding a pet-sitter, or working late hours at the office. I have been as delinquent as anyone in failing to recognize this, and so my New Year's resolution (made a touch late) is to improve as much as I can. Even with all of the distractions and haziness that can settle in front of this goal, I remain optimistic. I love you guys, even with the terrific friends I have in Greensboro.

I don't know if any of this has resonated with anyone, but if you still have trouble believing me, try the following: simply walk out of your front door one evening, head over to your closest neighbor's house or apartment, knock on the door, and observe the look on the face of whoever answers the door. I guarantee you it will be surprise.

When is a Piggyback a Good Thing?

Isn't it funny how the winds of fate can change things in an instant? I sat down at my PC (strangely earlier than normal) to write a post about a completely different subject, and just before I came to the site I passed by a new ad featuring Wal-Mart's new DVD rental-via-mail program. Netflix, one of my favorite and most customer-focused companies around, is being seriously threatened by a department store with a trillion dollars in assets. This, my friends, has changed things.

If you've been reading the first several posts I've made to Life As I Know It, you'll know that I use this site for a little bit of everything. Humor first and foremost, quickly followed by life updates, and lastly an occasional touch of spirited opinion. This time, let's bring on Category Three. :)

So I've thought and thought about this, I've brainstormed until my slightly larger-size ears nearly burned off, and I've come to one certain conclusion: Wal-Mart, for all of the smiley faces and gainful employment of low-wage-earning women, is evil. For you Austin Powers fans, let's just say you can bet serious money that it has a funny smirk and another corporation exactly one-eighth its size lurking nearby. So for those of you that haven't seen it yet, it's time for me to get on my hand-crafted, candy-red soap box and tell you all about it. Yee-haw!

If you would, think back to grade school for a second: do you remember that obnoxiously dumb kid who was bigger and meaner than all of the others? No, not him...the other one. Yeah, that guy. This kid wouldn't be great at test taking, so he'd just find the nearest geek, shove him against the wall, and take his homework. Instant B+. He had a surprisingly high number of friends because even though no one really liked him, you just couldn't deny the value of having such raw power in your corner. But worst of all, this guy would lurk around listening for good ideas from the quieter kids, then take them for his own. Remember the first kid who thought of collecting Garbage Pail Kids? That was him. And what about the guy who invented the Slip 'n Slide? You got it. No one ever challenged him on these for obvious reasons. Well, ladies and gentlemen, you may not remember this kid's name, but I do: his name was Wally World.

Wally wears a big blue hat and looks a little strange...his face is a perfect sunshine yellow. Some have called him "The Slasher" because he was once on a commercial, hacking white signs with prices on them. But for all his charming looks, Wally can really hit you where it hurts. If you live in New York City, you'll probably live a full life never having heard of him, but if you're out in the middle of rural Kansas (as if some part of Kansas isn't rural), Wally will become your life. He'll be the only guy you ever give more money to than your wife. He'll take your job and send you home to spend more time with the same wife...who then has every opportunity to demand she be told exactly why you're giving more money to someone else. It can get ugly in a hurry.

So, of course, I'm being a bit facetious, but have you seen the home page of WalMart.com lately? The only things they don't sell on there are iMacs and African slaves (and I hear the latter is coming in 2007, after some essential ship restoration work is completed). So why does this even matter? Because this country was built on the American Dream, and it's hard not to believe that Wal-Mart is crushing that dream for a large amount of people. Want to run your own store in Nebraska? Don't think so. Did you make the mistake of putting up an automotive store next to the largest vacant lot in town? Uh-oh. But do you look sexy in a blue vest and enjoy making $8.00 an hour? Well, then, congratulations...life will be good for the foreseeable future.

I'm not sure why those movies set in the future never have enormous Wal-Mart superstores in them, but sooner or later someone's going to pick up on it. After all, in the never-ending survival of the fittest, there ain't nobody poised to take on Wally.

So, for Netflix and all the other true pioneering companies of the world, this answers the question posed by the subject of this post: When is a piggyback a good thing?

The answer: Only when the person hopping on is a lot smaller than you are.

Okay, I'm done now. :) Join us next week for "Bilbo Baggins: Friendly Hobbit or Ambitious Dark Lord of the Underworld?"